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Bonds, Ranked Bonds.

He's a man's man. He's a ladies' man. He's Bond, James Bond. Six men played the part (in the classic franchise) with varying degrees of success, and we've ranked them according to those degrees of success. Now please excuse us, we have a high stakes game of baccarat to attend in the Queen of Dubai's private bedroom.

6. Timothy Dalton

Ol' T-Dalts. This poor guy got stuck with the Bond movies that tried to compete with 80s action movies like Die Hard. He's too serious, too short and definitely not sexy enough for Bond. Shakespearean actors do not good Bond actors make. 

5. George Lazenby

So he only did one movie and dressed in frilly clothes. This guy actually faked his way into being Bond by sneaking into the auditions and embodied Bond both on and off camera. But it was the 60s and hippies were cooler so he grew out his hair and beard and was not asked back. 

4. Pierce Brosnan

Pierce could have been great. He has the ability to play the seriousness of Connery and the campiness of Moore, but somewhere in between he gets lost. It is extremely endearing how much he loved being Bond though, and for that (and his hot face) we rank him here. 

3. Daniel Craig

Craig brings depth and tiny shorts to the classically one dimensional character. Sure he goes from newbie to retiree in three movies and has spent way too much time caught up with relationships, but he also adjusts his cuff links after jumping onto a moving train. So we'll allow it. We are going to knock him for his "I'd rather slash my wrists than do another Bond movie." Watch your privilege, sir. 

2. Roger Moore

Roger Moore is nothing like Sean Connery's Bond. But because he made the most movies (7), he redefined the role  and for that, we have to give him credit.  Although towards the end we're not sure how that bag of flab was still running around the screen. 

1. Sean Connery

He is the O.G. He can wear a light-blue terry cloth romper and still walk like a panther. He leaves every man unsure of his manhood and leaves every woman wanting his manhood. No he's not a good person, but Bond isn't supposed to be a good person. He's an enemy-killing lady killer. And that, he shertainly ish.

 

 

 

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